I am a thief

I have got a confession to make; I am a thief.

I have realized this a long time ago. I have been keeping this to myself quietly. Nobody seems to know this secret.

I remember the first day when I realized that I am a thief. It was a Sunday afternoon. I was in a bus that took me from my house to a market nearby. I was sitting next to the window so I could see clearly what was happening outside.

Like any other trip that I did every Sunday to the market, I saw almost the same things over and over again. I saw the same houses with cold fences; the same restaurants that I planned to visit one day; the same yards that seemed to be lifeless.

But then I saw them; my first victims. They were a grandfather and his granddaughter who were standing in front of their house. I watched them from my seat silently.  I could not see their faces clearly. What I could see was the moment when the granddaughter ran into the arms of her grandfather. They were hugging each other and I could see his happy face.

That was the very moment when I lost my control. I lost it. I could feel the warmth of his happiness was floating in the air. I could not resist the temptation of making it my own. The moment that the warmth reached me, I realized that it was too late. I could sense the warmth ran through my blood and then through my brain. It made the two muscles on my face worked fast. The zygomatic major and the orbicularis oculi made the magic moment happened; I smiled.

They did not know that I stole their happiness and made it mine completely. My smile is the witness of my wickedness and that kind of warmth that I felt is addictive. Since then, I always want to feel the same warmth again and again. Since then, I have become a thief.

You probably don’t see me and aren’t aware that I am around. I could be in your graduation day, birthday, wedding party, marriage proposal, and crazy-friends day, as well as in the tender moments when you look into the eyes of your loved ones. I could be everywhere.

This is another secret that I want to share. If you are in the best moment in your life and see a stranger, smiling from a distance; she could be me, the thief of your happiness. 

A-pai Pa-ru-na-nya

I rename my blog with these two magic words that I got from my late grandmother "Nini Lamak". She said it everytime she sees and hears something beautiful. "A-pai" is an exclamation word, like "Oo", while "pa-runa" means beautiful. These words are taken from Banjarese.

Personally, those words act as a reminder to understand that I can always see the silver linings in each moment, including the rough one. With that spirit, this blog is meant to remind myself about the beauty of life.

Looking back through my writings, I can see my joy of being lost in Australia and Peru and enjoy my identity along with the Islamic community there. Here and there, I wrote about my family and the people I met along the way. They are my treasures which I love to share with anyone who is willing to read all of the non-sense of "what-the-hell-she writes about".

Please don't be confused about the language that I choose. I am an Indonesian who loves her native and national language (Banjarese and Indonesia), her first love (English), and her new love interest (Spanish).

Everything I need to know about letting go ; I learned when I was four years old

I was a four year old curly little girl, when I learned to let go. My parents took me to a market to buy a pair of glasses for my mother. When we were passing a toy store, I asked my father to buy me a doll. After asking for the price, my father said we couldn’t afford to buy the doll. I didn’t remember if I cried at that moment. What I remember was my first lesson of letting go.

Years have gone by after that day. My life has been flipped upside down, like today. I was broken hearted. I thought that I was going to cry, but I didn’t. I managed to embrace myself and remember that I have learnt to let go since I was four. These are the things that I learned:

1. You can’t have all dolls that you want.
2. Be grateful of other toys that you have had.
3. There are other cool toys that are meant to be yours after wards.
4. It’s okay to be sad when you can’t have your dream doll. Yes, you probably will cry but after some sleeps, sweets and hugs from your parents, you all will be happy again.
5. Time will heal the pain. Yes, you will remember the cuteness of the doll and the imagined feeling when you hold the doll. When you remember these, your face will become gloomy. But, I promise you; other good things will come out.
6. A cup of vanilla ice cream or your favorite candies will cheer you up.
7. Play with your siblings or friends. They are much more fun than that doll.
8. There is a possibility that you will see the doll again after some times. If you have understood the previous things that I mentioned, you will know that the doll is something that you choose to let go, not the one that got away.

Of course, there is an exception; the doll becomes yours eventually. If this happens, then it's all yours. In my case, I never have the doll and I'm not sorry for that :)

*I owe the idea of writing this from All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum. I didn’t go to a kindergarten by the way. I skipped it and went directly to the 1^st grade (LOL). 

A year after you are gone, it still hurts

I saw your picture today. It was the picture of our family vacation on December 2014. You always looked childish and innocent, although you were a 15 year old boy. They said that you had mild autism that made you different.

A week ago, I met your mother and sister. I guess you know that your sister turned 10 years old. Your mother arranged a birthday party for her. Your sister was very happy and we were also.

Somehow, we knew that you would be happy if you were there with us. Your mother told us that your sister had a secret admirer. A boy sent her a love letter. How sweet is that? I wonder how it would be, if you knew this. Would you be the one who tease her all the time or perhaps become the protective brother? I knew you would be the protective brother.

Your mother told us that in your last days, you became more and more diligent than ever. You went to mosque to pray and made your homework. Even when you were badly ill, you still thought about your exam.

I know that I could not be a perfect aunt. I remember that you asked me to buy you a bicycle, which I never bought until the day you left us. I am so sorry for that. But, I do hope that you remember me as the aunt who bought you favorite toys, Doritos, capsicum and spicy chips.

A year after you are gone, it still hurts to remember that you would not be with us anymore. However, I know that you are happy there. I believe that God gives you more than a bicycle. There will be many toys and food that you like; more than I could give.

Today my dear Rama,
just let me cry a little, because it does still hurt.

Me Versus Dullness

It has been a long time since my latest piece of writing. I have not written anything ever since. It seems that my mind has stopped transferring idea and arranging words to make them readable.  I am under my worst nightmare; I am under the spell of the dullness.

I wrote actually. But those pieces that I wrote were all job-related. I spent most of my productive time to write reports as a good employee.  The effect is damaging; I am too exhausted to write what I really want.

I tried some ways to bring the mood back. I tried reading inspirational quotes from famous writers so that I could steal their undying passions to write. I remember searching them many months ago and secretly wished that the quotes would bring some magic and trigger me to write.

I also tried to expose myself to some inspirational reading materials, movies, even to people. I must admit that they moved me somehow but they failed to push me to write. I felt that the idea was there but the words just did not flow from my mind to my fingers.

Until tonight...

Well, tonight something happens. I felt 1000 times duller. The power of the dullness became so strong that made my mood swung.  I spent a few minutes lying on my bed, feeling sorry for myself.  And at one moment, I looked at my lap top and I said to myself that I had to let the words be my saviors.

I said to myself that the only way to erase the dullness is to write. So, I write and I write. My mind kept telling my finger to type more words, to delete some, to change some until I felt I could accept them and to let them live and be my voice.

After composing some paragraphs, I still feel that the dullness still linger. Even at the moment writing this paragraph, I was with a pain in my chest. The dullness filled my heart with inexplicable sadness. I could feel that my tears could fall in any minute. The dullness was all over me.

I struggled and fought hard. I fell, I bruised, I almost lost myself. I felt the pain all over my body. I write and I write. Magically, the more words that I wrote, the less pain that I felt. They somehow released my pain.

In the end, my nightmare ends. I am finally free from the spell.

However, I know one thing will not change; the dullness is always around. It will wait the perfect moment to attack me again and again. But for me, it will be another battle. I have won this time, it all matters now.  

  

Muslim di Peru juga Berhari Raya

Hari Raya Idul Fitri  selalu menyisipkan nuansa khas sesuai dengan sisi budaya di negara-negara di mana ia dirayakan. Jauh di salah satu negara Amerika Selatan, yakni Peru, saudara dan saudari muslim kita, juga larut dalam gegap gempita perayaan besar umat Islam sedunia ini.

Perkembangan Islam juga dapat ditemui di negara yang terkenal dengan keajaiban dunia, Machu Picchu. Meskipun tidak terdapat data resmi, diperkirakan terdapat 5000 muslim yang berdomisili di Peru. Di Lima sendiri, diperkirakan terdapat sekitar 600-700 muslim.

Khusus di Lima, ibu kota Peru, perayaan Idul Fitri dipusatkan di Asosiasi Islam Peru yang beralamat di Magdalena del Mar. Bangunan berwarna hijau dan putih yang berdiri kokoh di tepi jalan Jiron Tacna No. 556 menjadi pusat kegiatan para muslim yang berdomisili di Lima.

Selama bulan Ramadhan, Asosiasi Islam Peru menyediakan tajil gratis dan menyelenggarakan sahalat tarawih berjamaah yang dipimpin oleh seorang imam dari Mesir. Seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya, shalat Idul Fitri pada tahun 1434 H juga dilaksanakan di asosiasi tersebut.

Shalat Id di di Pagi yang Menggigit Dinginnya 

Kamis, 8 Agustus 2013, jam 9.00 pagi, halaman samping bangunan Asosiasi Islam Peru dipenuhi oleh muslim muslimah yang bermukim di Lima yang berkumpul untuk mengikuti salat Id. Tenda besar yang dipasang khusus untuk menampung jamaah shalat Id, terlihat ramai. Pria dan wanita dengan pakaian terbagusnya berkumpul di tempat masing-masing sambil mengumandangkan takbir.

Begitulah suasana hari raya Idul Fitri 1434 H di Lima, Peru. Walaupun masyarakat muslim di Peru merupakan minoritas, alhamdulillah mereka diberikan kesempatan untuk mengekspresikan kegiatan keagamaan tanpa hambatan yang berarti.

Udara yang dingin di pagi hari itu tidak mengurungkan niat untuk menggenapkan akhir ramadhan dengan pelaksanaan Shalat Id. Tepat  pukul 09.30 pagi, shalat Id dimulai dengan dipimpin oleh Syeikh Mahmoud, seorang ulama Mesir yang diutus oleh pemerintah Mesir untuk membantu kegiatan dakwah di Asosiasi Islam Peru. Sesudah shalat, Syeikh Mahmoud menyampaikan khutbah Idul Fitri yang mengambil pesan utama hikmah perayaan Idul Fitri bagi muslim.

Barisan shaf pria dan wanita dipenuhi wajah-wajah gembira. Tua muda, pria wanita, muslim asli Peru dan muslim dari negara lain tampak berbaur dengan harmonisnya. Hari itu adalah hari yang sarat makna untuk semua.

Selepas khutbah, tanpa menunggu komando, jamaah salat Id berdiri dan saling mengucapkan “Ied Mubarak”, ucapan yang menjadi perekat pelukan hangat sesama muslim dan muslimah. Tanpa ada batasan usia, ras, bahasa, ucapan itu menjadi bahasa universal yang mendekatkan.

Compartir: Nikmat Berbagi

Selepas salat Id, tenda yang tadi menjadi tempat salat Id berubah menjadi tempat bercengkrama. Kursi dan meja disusun rapi untuk menjadi tempat beristirahat dan berbagi atau istilahnya “compartir”.

Berbeda dengan muslim di Indonesia, yang selepas shalat Id akan kebali ke rumah masing-masing untuk sungkeman atau berkumpul dengan keluarga, muslim di Peru tidak mengenal sungkeman. Mereka lebih memilih untuk menghabiskan waktu hari raya bersama  di lingkungan Asosiasi Islam Peru untuk berbagi (compartir). Tentunya alasan tersebut dimengerti karena hanya di Asosiasi itulah para muslim di Lima bisa merasakan nikmatnya suasana hari raya secara bersama-sama.

Apa yang dibagi tepatnya? Yang dibagi adalah makanan atau penganan kecil yang dalam bahasa Spanyolnya disebut sebagai bocaditos (baca bokaditos).

Sudah menjadi kebiasaan para ibu dan hermanas, untuk menyiapkan makanan kecil untuk dinikmati bersama-sama. Untuk tahun ini, sejumlah hermanas yang tergabung pada perkumpulan muslimah, Muslim Sisters in Peru, telah merencanakan acara compartir dengan mengumpulkan donasi sebesar 5 soles per-orang . Uang yang terkumpul  digunakan untuk menyiapkan bocaditos  dan minuman ringan.

Di tengah keriuhan persiapan untuk menyusun meja dan kursi, tampak hermanas Aisha, Sumayya dan Munira yang membawa kotak-kotak makanan. Mereka adalah hermanas yang menjadi sukarelawan untuk menyiapkan makanan khas Peru seperti, papa huancaína (kentang rebus dengan siraman kuah keju beraroma rempah).

Dengan dibantu oleh anggota Muslim Sisters in Peru lainnya, Aisha, Sumayya dan Munira, menata bocaditos yang telah disiapkan. Dengan ramahnya, para hermanas menyuguhkan penganan yang telah dibuat kepada siapa saja. Pokoknya, pada hari itu, mereka tidak akan membiarkan seorangpun berdiri sendirian tanpa memegang makanan. “Ven y come con nosotras” (ayo ke sini dan makan bersama kami) menjadi ungkapan yang menyejukkan hati bagi siapapun yang mendengarnya.

Para hermanos yang berada di sisi lain juga melakukan hal yang sama. Mereka juga saling berbagi makanan yang telah disiapkan oleh keluarga masing-masing. Yang tidak membawa makanan untuk berbagi tidak akan kecewa, karena makanan yang ada di hari itu berlimpah ruah. Asosiasi Islam Peru juga menyiapkan sejumlah makanan untuk dibagikan secara gratis.

La Piñata

Tidak lengkap hari raya jika tanpa melibatkan anak-anak. Untuk memeriahkan hari raya, para anak dilibatkan untuk bermain piñata (baca pinyata). Piñata adalah karton yang dibentuk dan dihias dengan pita, yang diisi dengan permen dan mainan. Piñata tersebut digantung untuk menunggu “dihancurkan” dengan cara dipukul. Supaya permainannya lebih seru, orang yang diberi kesempatan memukul harus ditutup matanya dan hanya mendapatkan kesempatan terbatas untuk memukul sesuai dengan iringan musik.

Tradisi ini dikenal luas di Meksiko dan di sejumlah negara Amerika Selatan. Dipercaya bahwa tradisi ini dibawa oleh bangsa Spanyol  yang mengadopsinya dari China. Dahulu, piñata dibuat dari keramik tanah liat dan digunakan pada acara keagamaan. Namun sekarang , piñata dibuat dari kertas karton supaya tidak membahayakan dan digunakan sebagai bagian perayaan di pesta-pesta ulang tahun.

Oleh karena kedekatan sejarah dengan Spanyol, tradisi piñata juga dikenal di Peru. Dengan maksud untuk memberikan kegembiraan terhadap anak-anak, sejumlah hermanas dan hermanos menyumbangkan  lima piñatas untuk dimainkan.

Satu persatu anak-anak dikumpulkan dan diajak berbaris untuk bergantian memukul piñata. Para orang tua yang antusias menyaksikan anaknya memukul piñata berteriak untuk memberikan semangat . Dan ketika piñata berhasil dihancurkan, teriakan semakin mengeras untuk menyemangati para anak yang berebut untuk mendapatkan permen dan mainan kecil.

Orang dewasa juga tidak ketinggalan untuk ikut bermain piñata. Di antara 5 piñata  yang disiapkan, 1 piñata dikhususkan untuk para orang dewasa. Suara tawa gembira para penonton yang menyaksikan aksi lucu para tios, padres dan abuelos (paman, ayah dan kakek) yang berebut permen ketika piñata berhasil dihancurkan menambah suasana gembira.

Walaupun nilai permen dan mainan tidak seberapa,  kegembiraan yang didapatkan dari permainan piñata tersebut menjadi penutup yang manis di hari raya Idul Fitri di Peru.

Selamat hari raya Idul Fitri 1434 H, Salam dari Peru !

I am glad that we have been able to remain friends!*

It was a normal Monday afternoon. I was walking towards my apartment. Victor, the security guard in my apartment was waiting and opening the door for me. “Hay cosas para Usted” (there are things for you), he told me. So I, thought it must be related to the bills that I had to pay immediately. 

I was about to mock myself, thinking that I had to pay some more bills when finally I realized that there were no pending bills. In fact, I got some sweet surprises; two post cards from two friends who live in a different continent finally reached their destination, ME!

A very sweet surprise indeed! I remember holding the two post cards with a big smile on my face. I felt like a little girl who got her birthday presents, feeling overwhelmed and simply content because my friends have thought of me.

Call me sentimental, but there are deep and emotional meanings transmitted by these two post cards or by these two amazing people. Yes to the notion that sending post cards now can be seen as an old fashioned or quirky gesture. But, I don’t care. My friends could be old fashioned or quirky and I declare proudly that I am as old fashioned and quirky as they are.

Some cards that I have received.

To me those cards are memorable and monumental. When I see them, the old memories just fill me instantly. It brings the connection that has brought us to be friends. Yes, friends or friend, this word is I, sometimes, frequently use and I, sometimes, take its meaning for granted, or maybe I, sometimes, do not really bother.

Well, I do bother it now because I am on the mood of valuing what I have been taken for granted in my life.
    

What friends mean to me

I personally define the word friend as someone who really makes efforts to keep in touch with me and to whom I feel attached to, after the test of time and the distance.  I have met so many people in my life but only a few of them who are bother to ask me constantly until now, how I am doing or what has been new in my life. They are those persons who do not care too much about the distance, the time difference or any other reason, and bother to give sweet gestures asking how I have been lately or telling me, what they have been up to or some guys they are seeing, or how their kids are now, new places they have visited or even sad news. These persons are the persons to whom I feel attached to and are more real than some hundreds “friends” in my social media.

The friendship that I have with them helps me to be mentally healthy. When I relate to some studies about friendship, I support the findings which say people with good friends have lower levels of stress hormones. I remember that in my difficult time, they have been the ones who offer me their shoulders to cry on and have given me some comforting taps on my shoulders which I feel like some magic mantra to ease my pains.

Physically, having friends can make you even healthier. Studies found that the closer social networks you are in to, the lower blood pressure and the stronger immune systems that you will have. People who do not have these types of network are prone to die young. Based on a research conducted by  scientists at Brigham Young University in 2010, poor social relations can cause a premature death as high as that from a smoking habit and even higher than that from obesity. The message is clear, if you don’t want to die young, find friends!

I think that friends can have impacts in our life and the impacts can be life changing. I remember that one day, a friend of mine called me to tell about the job opportunity which she thought tailored for me. She is one of my friends who know that I have enthusiasms to work abroad, to meet foreigners and to make the best practice of what I love the most; English. So she called and informed me all the things she knew about the job opportunity and told me that I had to try. I thank her for the call which is one of the factors that change my life forever; I have landed at a work place where my enthusiasms can live in their beats.
  

A bond that lasts

I have realized that real friends mean those who are willing to interact with me reciprocally. I found myself trying keeping contacts with those whom I believe as my friends and found out that they did not bother to respond me. Time and distance can really tell who real friends are.

My point is that friends are those who develop strong bonds that last for years. I heart this point because I do witness that those people whom you thought can be your lifetime friends are disappeared. I understand this because sometimes, we become too busy with our lives; husbands, wives, kids, jobs and other thousand things that we encounter in our lives and naturally we leave our friends aside. These things soon occupy our times and make us forget to maintain contacts with our friends. When we come to this stage, we will invent those sentences, like “yes, she was my friend during high school” or “we used to hang out together”. Slowly and surely, those people become some persons in the past.

I personally value a friendship that lasts. Even animals feel that too. Interesting findings about animal friendship show that even animals are capable to be loyal, compassionate and build a long-term meaningful relation with their friends.  The story of Hare and Ellington, two male chimpanzees who are friends until the death of Ellington in 2002, show the findings are true.
  

According to John Mitani, a primatologist at the University of Michigan who had been researching Hare and Ellington that live in the forests of Kibale National Park, Uganda, since 1995, Hare and Ellington showed the pattern of friendship; going together to hunt, sharing prey with each other, backing one another in a fight, and searching each other when they were apart. When Ellington died in 2002, Hare did not want to be with any other chimps, he mourned for the loss.

The friendship that they share is far from the reciprocal altruism theory which implies that “if I help you today, I expect that you will do the same way tomorrow”. For them and for the other chimps, friendship is not about getting even with and getting some benefits from. In some difficult days, maybe their friends cannot share meats and cannot back up when some other crazy chimps want to mess around. Surprisingly, they can tolerate these because what matters the most is the long term relationship.

I think humans also share the same sentiment. Our friends maybe cannot be there for you all the time; they probably cannot be at your wedding, they probably forget to send you a birthday greeting, they maybe forget one of the little promises that they have made for you, like sending you some info about some topics. There millions of things that they cannot do for you, but it does not matter. What matters the most is we can tolerate their imperfectness and remain friends.

Friends come and go

The truth is that in life, friends come and go. Some prefer to stay with you and some prefer to leave you, intentionally or not. Some have impacts in your life and some just pass by. Those who prefer to stay and have impacts in your life are those whom deserve to be called as friends. They will be the ones who share the durable bonds with you, just like Hare and Ellington had.
 

I look back to one of the postcards sent to me.  One particular sentence that she writes hits my head with a bat, making me to realize that I should value more my friends; those who prefer to stay with me -although I can be annoying sometimes or maybe most of the time- and those who have made impacts in my life.  I want to echo this sentence and say it as loudly as I can to all of you, my dearest friends “I am glad that we have been able to remain friends!”.          

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*I owe most of the idea to write this from Carl Zimmer who writes Friends with Benefits, published in Times (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2106488-7,00.html) and to Jessie Calderon who write me the sentence “I am glad that we have been able to remain friends!”