I am a thief

I have got a confession to make; I am a thief.

I have realized this a long time ago. I have been keeping this to myself quietly. Nobody seems to know this secret.

I remember the first day when I realized that I am a thief. It was a Sunday afternoon. I was in a bus that took me from my house to a market nearby. I was sitting next to the window so I could see clearly what was happening outside.

Like any other trip that I did every Sunday to the market, I saw almost the same things over and over again. I saw the same houses with cold fences; the same restaurants that I planned to visit one day; the same yards that seemed to be lifeless.

But then I saw them; my first victims. They were a grandfather and his granddaughter who were standing in front of their house. I watched them from my seat silently.  I could not see their faces clearly. What I could see was the moment when the granddaughter ran into the arms of her grandfather. They were hugging each other and I could see his happy face.

That was the very moment when I lost my control. I lost it. I could feel the warmth of his happiness was floating in the air. I could not resist the temptation of making it my own. The moment that the warmth reached me, I realized that it was too late. I could sense the warmth ran through my blood and then through my brain. It made the two muscles on my face worked fast. The zygomatic major and the orbicularis oculi made the magic moment happened; I smiled.

They did not know that I stole their happiness and made it mine completely. My smile is the witness of my wickedness and that kind of warmth that I felt is addictive. Since then, I always want to feel the same warmth again and again. Since then, I have become a thief.

You probably don’t see me and aren’t aware that I am around. I could be in your graduation day, birthday, wedding party, marriage proposal, and crazy-friends day, as well as in the tender moments when you look into the eyes of your loved ones. I could be everywhere.

This is another secret that I want to share. If you are in the best moment in your life and see a stranger, smiling from a distance; she could be me, the thief of your happiness. 

A-pai Pa-ru-na-nya

I rename my blog with these two magic words that I got from my late grandmother "Nini Lamak". She said it everytime she sees and hears something beautiful. "A-pai" is an exclamation word, like "Oo", while "pa-runa" means beautiful. These words are taken from Banjarese.

Personally, those words act as a reminder to understand that I can always see the silver linings in each moment, including the rough one. With that spirit, this blog is meant to remind myself about the beauty of life.

Looking back through my writings, I can see my joy of being lost in Australia and Peru and enjoy my identity along with the Islamic community there. Here and there, I wrote about my family and the people I met along the way. They are my treasures which I love to share with anyone who is willing to read all of the non-sense of "what-the-hell-she writes about".

Please don't be confused about the language that I choose. I am an Indonesian who loves her native and national language (Banjarese and Indonesia), her first love (English), and her new love interest (Spanish).